


this is how i know you

by poetdameron



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Family Fluff, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, Healing, Internalized Biphobia, Kisses Anthology, M/M, Marriage, POV Alternating, Post-Break Up, Wedding Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-12-09 12:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20994887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: Ryan and Shane, and all the kisses that build their relationship.Or, an anthology of kisses.





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> So I finished this anthology earlier this week and decided it's time to post. I'll be updating every four days! The story is linear but each chapter can be read by it's own. The title is, once again, from the song Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran, which you guys may suspect I love. And I do.
> 
> It was based on prompts I got form some of my tumblr followers and friends from [this](https://wetookanoath.tumblr.com/post/183880685602/types-of-kisses-prompts) list. 
> 
> Loved working on them, thank you to everyone who sent one in. Enjoy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breathtaking Kiss - It’s the kiss that you can’t do anything for a few seconds after, you keep your eyes closed with mouth agape of you try to let your mind process what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [Beru](http://milaskutcher.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188289365257/8-shyan-please) on tumblr if you like it!

**This Is How I Know You**

**Beginning**

In all the time they had known each other, Ryan had never thought twice about the kind of things he shared with Shane during conversations at odd hours of the night and the morning.

He suddenly realized, one uneventful Sunday morning while visiting his parents, that there was no one out there who knew him the way Shane did. 

It was an odd thought to have without prompt, but the fact was intriguing enough to keep him thinking about it for hours. That is, until his mother finally sent him to rest, thinking he was tired instead of just… in awe, at his discovery.

With an apologetic smile, Ryan said goodbye to his parents and drove away, thinking of home as he listed every little detail he knew of Shane.

He thought about how Shane liked baseball growing up, was a good player, had a good arm but ended up almost hating the sport because his grandfather had made him join a team and practice every Saturday without fail.

How he made his coffee, the ridiculous amount of maple syrup he put on his pancakes, that he preferred waffles, that breakfast was his favorite meal of the day, that he loved to sleep with almost no blankets because, even when he was no longer that used to the cold of his hometown, he still missed it and hated the heat in Los Angeles with a passion.

Ryan sighed, parking besides Shane’s car in his building’s lot. He looked up at the third floor where his friend’s apartment was and where Shane was probably listening to his indie rock while working or reading something he found interesting after seeing it in a video.

He had meant to drive to his apartment and yet, he found himself at Shane’s.

* * *

“Gosh, little guy, you are on another planet today!” Shane chuckled. Ryan looked at him at his side as they watched the first Conjuring film without actually paying attention to it. 

Ryan blinked, trying not to look too much into how close Shane was to him and how he had simply smiled when he showed up uninvited to his apartment, letting him in without needing an excuse beyond “so I was close by and decided to see if you were home”.

“Uhm, just…” He sighed. “I don’t know. I had, like, a life changing revelation in mom’s kitchen and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

“Oh.” He blinked. “What’s up?”

“Shit, I'm not telling you.”

“Own.” Shane frowned, poking his side to make him look back. “Come onnnn, it can’t be that bad.”

“No, it’s not. I just think it needs more cooking.”

Shane smiled, suddenly laughing like a little shit at his phrasing. “That’s why you were in the kitchen, then?”

“Jesus Christ…” Ryan rolled his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips

His friend laughed for a few more seconds, eyes closed and those known wrinkles making his face look younger. Ryan had never noticed before how they looked like half moons, all bright and beautiful, changing his life with a wave of his hand.

It came to him like lighting -- the reason why he was waxing poetry for Shane since he realized their closeness earlier that morning.

“Shane.” He called, and the other man leaned his head to one side with a smile.

Ryan’s lips were on Shane’s before he could say anything else.

He didn’t hesitate to kiss him, immediately covering his mouth with his, softly moving his lips over Shane’s with closed eyes. Shane didn’t move, but his lips parted after Ryan’s coaxed them open gently with his tongue, his warmth welcoming as Ryan was let in to wander the new territory of their relationship.

Finally, Shane responded, moving his head to one side to deepen the kiss and letting himself become familiar with Ryan’s mouth after taking a deep breath through his nose. 

They both tasted of beer and popcorn, the nights that seemed to never end and the silent road trips where one looked through the window and the other made himself comfortable against his shoulder or, as of late, laying on his lap.

Shane’s beard itched in all the right places and Ryan couldn’t help but moan a little as Shane’s tongue took initiative and played with his before exploring his mouth.

A kiss had never lasted this long for him, and Ryan opened his eyes to Shane’s face still in awe at it when they went apart, eyes closed and mouth open. He wanted to keep this image forever, have a picture of it, but Ryan found himself unable to move away or say anything.

“Okay.” Shane smiled, looking down before licking his lips and opening his eyes. He cleared his throat. “Uuuhh…”

Ryan chuckled, heart beating fast inside his chest. “I can’t believe I finally left you speechless!”

“Well, you--” Shane’s cheeks were red when he looked up, one hand on his mouth as the other crossed his body over his chest. “You, you just went and kissed me. Warn a guy next time!”

The sudden shyness reminded Ryan of yet another thing he knew of his friend: that despite his sarcasm and confidence in front of the camera and other people, he was still shy. He didn’t speak unless prompted to, almost never said what he was actually feeling. Feelings, it seemed, were hard for him for some reason and Ryan smiled, thinking of his mother telling him to go home.

“Sorry, I had to.” Ryan said, hands cradling Shane’s face. The man removed his hand and put one on Ryan’s neck. “I just… thought of how much we know of each other.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it because… no one knows me like you do.”

Shane smiled at him. His cheeks were still showing color but he had noticeably relaxed. “I do?”

“Mhm.” Ryan went in for another kiss, enjoying the easy way they fit together and how good of a kisser Shane really was. “Mom told me to go home, but I…” He put a finger on Shane’s chest, making him look down then back at Ryan’s face. “Drove right to you.”

The man smiled, pushing his head towards Ryan’s face again.

“Well, welcome home.”


	2. More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can’t Let Go Yet Kiss - The type of goodbye kiss when you keep leaving quick pecks on each other’s lips, but end up pulling each other back for more, which could go on for hours if one of you don’t finally pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [Kayla](http://theawfuledges.tumblr.com/) and [Julia](http://purplegirlsclub.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/). Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188367953857/cant-let-go-yet-kiss) on tumblr if you like it!

**This Is How I Know You**

**More**

“Ry – ”

“No, one more.”

“Uhm,”

Shane smelled of clean sheets and tasted of mint. Closer, his after shave mixed with his laundry detergent and chocolate shampoo, leaving a peculiar scent in the air. His arms, his chest vibrated with his laugh as Ryan’s hands rested on it.

He licked his lips, smiling against Shane’s when the man caressed his nose with the tip of his own and went for another kiss to Ryan’s eager mouth. And he tasted of Ryan now, tasted of every waking hour late at night after an investigation when he tried to distract Ryan from the shadows in his head. Of strong coffee in the early morning after sleeping on Ryan’s couch when he had been too drunk to function the night before.

It felt like home, being this close to him when Ryan had wanted it for the longest time. Shane had opened his arms to him, both literally and figuratively, and hugged him warm and cozy against his chest, kissing him deeper and longer, lasting just enough that Ryan may as well die without him for the next week and a half.

“I really have to go now, you know?”

“Mmhm, I know.” He sighed, holding onto Shane’s hands when they drew apart. “Do you have to go for so long?”

Shane chuckled, one hand on Ryan’s cheek as he caressed it tenderly and looked at his face as if trying to memorize it. Like if they didn’t sit at each other’s side at work every day, as if his work didn’t consist in looking at Ryan’s face all the time, listen to him.

The plane left at six, they’ve known this since Shane bought the ticket two weeks ago. What they didn’t know was that three days prior to Shane’s flight home for vacation, they would end up in the same bed, consequently, in each other’s arms and God… the big guy was still here, right in front of Ryan, and he already missed him.

“I’ll be back before you notice, baby.” Shane said, going down to kiss Ryan’s forehead. “Now… I really have to go.”

He took his hand, walking with him until they reached the electric stairs that directed to Shane’s waiting area, where Ryan couldn’t pass anymore. Sighing, Ryan looked at Shane as the man eyed the second floor of the airport with something akin to desperation. He was more than likely torn between wanting to see his family and friends in Schaumburg and wanting to stay with Ryan and linger in their honeymoon phase as long as they could.

“It’s okay, baby.” Ryan said, making Shane look at him with a slight frown. “Just… call me before you go to bed?”

“We’re gonna be in different time zones, so yeah. I’ll call you from the future.”

“Alright, no spoilers.” He said, one hand going to Shane’s neck. “Ugh, you make me say the most dorky things, I swear to God--”

Softly, he pulled Shane down until he was kissing his laugh, accepting Shane’s tongue when his mouth opened, letting him explore his own. Shane caressed his face, the warmth of his body so present, it reminded Ryan that yes, this was happening, they were together now, they were really boyfriends, really dating despite thinking it was never going to happen.

Guess there’s always time for dreams come true while working your ass off for professional goals.

He sighed, letting him go once again.

“Have a good trip, big guy. Text me when you get home?”

“Of course, text  _ me _ when  _ you _ get home.” He squeezed his hand. “See you soon, okay?”

“Uhm.” Ryan swallowed. “I – you know, I really…”

“I know.” Shane kissed the tip of his nose, making him laugh. “Me too, sweetheart.”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Ryan looked up the stairs and then at Shane, who only smiled at him and finally let go of his hand with some reluctance. He went up the electric stairs, getting farther apart from Ryan who crossed his arms over his chest and watched as he went.

He waved at him, smiling when Shane did the same and sighed, ready to go home alone after the best three days of his life.

It hadn’t been even a minute, and he already missed Shane’s lips. 

Ryan turned around, deciding one burrito was not going to be enough that night. Maybe some ice cream would be good too. The Conjuring was already in his plans, guess he’d have to add the second one too since he sure as fuck wasn’t sleeping until he was distracted enough.

“Ryan!” Shane called him, Ryan looked back right away. 

Shane was waving at him with a big smile, and making a loud kiss sound as he kissed his own hand and then waved it in Ryan’s direction. Ryan laughed. 

His cheeks were warm when he looked around, praying nobody was really paying them any mind. Shane was about to reach the second floor when Ryan did the same, sending him a kiss that made the older man smile brighter than he had all day.

Shane waved one last time and Ryan sighed, more content than he had felt previously. He walked away with that same big smile after he watched Shane disappear among the people, hoping they could FaceTime later that night. He felt warm and fuzzy, and definitely in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one is on Shane's pov, will be posted in four days. Thank you for your support, everyone!


	3. The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hesitant Kiss - The type of kiss where their lips brush against each other’s a few times, breath fanning across each other’s faces as one waits for the other to make a move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by Anonymous. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188472924697/hesitant-kiss-or-cant-let-go-yet-kiss-with-shyan) on tumblr if you like it! Edited by [Alice](https://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/), give her some love!

**This Is How I Know You**

**The One**

There wasn’t really a time where Shane realized Ryan was the one for him. 

He had grown so used to loving him as a coworker and a friend that he hadn’t even noticed it was  _ romantic _ love what he was feeling. The desire came later. He thought it was a mere physical thing, a crush maybe, but nothing too serious because his friend was so precious to him, so vital in his life.

So when Ryan kissed him, it was just clear in his head: Ryan was his  _ person  _ and Shane wanted nobody else in the world but him.

“And, you know Roland, he is a complete idiot—“ 

Listening to Ryan talk, telling him about his friends and everything he did, even when Shane had been sitting at his side for most of it, was the highlight of his day. Shane smiled at him when the man noticed the way he was looking at him, his handsome face, his juicy lips.

“Big guy?”

“Keep talking.”

There was no going back.

Ryan hesitated just for a second, laughing it off as he kept his story going. Roland had purchased way too much chocolate, all of which had disappeared over night, starting a war in the house.

Shane had his target, moving and wet. Ryan’s lips called him home. When the man stopped talking again, Shane’s eyes followed his tongue as it slipped out, licking between his lips before gliding back in.

“Shane.”

He looked up slowly, realizing he had been caught and may have fucked the moment. But Ryan swallowed visibly, leaning in to peck his lips.

They had kissed a thousand times now. Why he was suddenly shy passed right over Shane’s head at first, but they stared at each other’s eyes for a moment and he suddenly knew.

Shane pressed forward in a heartbeat, one hand on Ryan’s left cheek and the other on his waist. He kissed him gently and deep, waiting for the man to react.

This time there was no hesitation from his boyfriend. He kissed Shane back with his mouth open, his tongue exploring Shane’s mouth and playing with his tongue. 

Neither of them was backing out now. Shane knew that. His hand tugged at Ryan’s clothes as Ryan’s took care of his.

Ryan kept looking at him with shining eyes, saying so much in his silence and his moans. Shane hoped he knew the wonder of it all, that he loved him as much as he loved Shane.

They had been dancing around this for too long, Shane knew this far too well. He’d been wondering why, after all the long make out sessions, they hadn’t taken the next step in their relationship. 

He always thought of himself as a man of commitment and of action, that once he knew what he wanted, he wouldn’t hesitate to work his way until he had it. But he had taken his time with Ryan. In part, it was because they had to, seeing that Shane had to travel to his hometown during their vacation break, just a few days after they got together, but also because Ryan was  _ it  _ for him.

Maybe Ryan wasn’t his first, but Shane was sure he was the first person he had actually looked at and thought of spending the rest of his life with. He was the person he wanted to call his forever, wanted Ryan to enjoy himself with him. So sue him if wanted their first time to be special.

It couldn’t get any more special than this: after a successful spooky season of appearances, interviews and whatnot; after they had been told they would be guaranteed jobs next year, that their show was growing in popularity and opportunities were on their way for them both; after such a great day with fans in one of Ryan’s favorites places to be.

Tonight, even with the initial insecurities and awkwardness, there would be no hesitation.

“I love you.” Shane murmured against Ryan’s head as they laid together in the afterglow. He knew the man was asleep, but the words needed to be said out loud. 

Shane kissed the top of Ryan’s head, sighing as he cuddled him closer, closing his eyes just in time to miss Ryan’s little smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one is on Ryan's POV and will be posted in four days.


	4. Cabin Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Distracting Kiss - When you are competing, maybe playing video games or something so you press kisses anywhere available; arms, nose, knees, ears, knuckles, temple, just anywhere to distract them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [Portia](http://yademonfuck.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Edited by [Maya](https://symmetricat.tumblr.com/). Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188367953857/cant-let-go-yet-kiss) on tumblr if you like it!

**This Is How I Know You **

**Cabin Fever**

Shane was too tall.

“Motherfucker, that’s not fair!”

“Don’t care.”

Ryan groaned, refusing to make a scene even if Shane was the only person around in their cabin. He looked up, seeing his spirit box so close yet so far, as Shane had taken it from him and was holding it over his head.

The man’s smirk was obvious. He figured that he was triumphant at the sight of Ryan doing nothing to fight his height, but Ryan had other methods.

“You are not ruining my romantic weekend with your screaming box, you hear me? I’m not letting you!”

“They say there’s a ghost in these cabins! Imagine if it talks to us thinking we’re just staying here like everybody else?”

“We are staying here like everybody else!” Shane frowned, and Ryan swallowed as he recognized that he was actually getting angry.

Okay, perhaps this wasn’t a good idea. He shouldn’t have brought the box, or maybe should have just taken it out when Shane was in the bathroom or something, not right away when they had just gotten into the cabin.

“Ryan, I’m trying to be romantic with you,” Shane said, his frown deepening. Ryan felt his shoulders become heavy. “You know I’m not good at it… I don’t know how to express my feelings.” He almost sounded desperate. His eyes were shining and it all made Ryan feel like a piece of shit. 

“I’m sorry…”

“I brought you here to have a weekend away from work together,” he said, showing him the spirit box. “And you brought work to us!”

“Shane—“

But the man was too frustrated to hear, his face flushed red as he kept reminding Ryan what the weekend was about, why they had left home and made this trip. 

Ryan blinked, trying to interrupt Shane’s rant from time to time, searching for a way to make him listen.

He took the man’s scarf, making him stop talking as he looked down to where Ryan’s hands were grabbing at his clothes.

“What...?”

“Shane,” Ryan said, and when his boyfriend looked at him, he tugged him down by his clothes.

Ryan took his lips with eyes closed, immediately taking control of the kiss by coaxing Shane’s mouth open, caressing his tongue with his until it let him in. 

His boyfriend’s mouth was always warm and fresh, tasting of coffee and  _ Shane _ . Shane, who was the best thing that had ever happened to him, who adored him in a way nobody ever had before, who put all his effort in to be the kind of boyfriend he thought Ryan deserved.

Funny, Ryan thought as he put both hands on the back of Shane’s neck to keep him at his height. It was funny because Shane had always been out of Ryan’s league. Too good, too perfect.

He was the ideal guy Ryan used to fantasize about, the one who always loved him for who he was, who liked him as he was, who liked what he did and said. And he had turned out to be real, had become his best friend, his cute and tall boyfriend who was passionate and romantic in his own way.

Ryan bit Shane’s bottom lip, taking it with him as they went apart. Shane opened his eyes slowly, too distracted to notice Ryan was moving his hands down his neck to his shoulders as Shane went to stand at his normal height again.

“Uh…”

Ryan smiled, quicky taking the spirit box from Shane’s hands.

“Ha!”

“Hey!”

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan smiled at him, walking past him towards the kitchen as the man groaned behind him.

“I can’t believe you tricked me like that just to have your stu—“

He closed the fridge’s door after leaving the device there, successfully closing Shane’s mouth too. 

Ryan looked back at him, hands on his hips.

“Now it won’t bother us anymore.”

“Oh,” Shane said, cheeks going pink. “Uh, okay. Thank you.”

“Shane,” Ryan sighed, walking towards him before putting his arms around his waist. He kissed the middle of Shane’s chest and looked up at the man as he put his arms around Ryan. “Baby, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it with me.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t.”

“I just got really excited about this place!” Ryan smiled at him, and his face felt warm. “I didn’t stop to see it wasn’t the moment for that.”

“Uh…” Shane looked down. “I guess it can be boring, I know you don’t like nature that much, I just—“

Ryan pecked his lips after tugging on his clothes to reach him again. Like before, his kiss had the perfect effect to make Shane’s busy head slow down and breathe.

“I love it, babe,” Ryan smiled. “I wanna be with you.”

“Uh, okay,” he said, finally smiling. “There’s a jacuzzi tub, you know?”

“Holy shit!” Ryan’s eyes opened wide. He must have put on quite the expression, since Shane was now smiling, bright and happy. “You wanna go? I made a playlist for this trip!”

Shane chuckled, slowly wrapping him in his arms until Ryan’s face was buried in Shane’s chest. He sighed, happily hugging his boyfriend back as he thanked his lucky stars for such a blessing.

Hopefully, the stupid thoughts which often invaded his mind would finally shut the hell up so they could stay like this, wrapped around each other, for a long time.

Sighing again, Ryan smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we'll be back to Shane's POV. And... heads up: next one is angst. In fact, the next two kisses will both be angsty, but I promise this fic has a happy ending.


	5. The Tempest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empty Kiss - When one of you don’t kiss back, just the stoic feeling of their lips on yours, it’s empty, like no one even cares anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [pepskitstark](http://pepskitstark.tumblr.com/) and [Portia](http://yademonfuck.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188692971492/shyan-with-empty-kiss-hihihihi) on tumblr if you like it! Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/) who happens to be the best ever.

**This Is How I Know You**

**The Tempest**

As the leaves fell, things became grey.

Shane wasn’t sure how it had happened and for how much of it he was to blame. They had been happy for months, and then one day he started to notice a pattern he didn’t like.

They had decided to be discreet about their relationship at work but when Ryan started to avoid his hand while out, Shane knew something was wrong.

“Nothing. What are you talking about?” Ryan frowned at him when he asked, and slowly, Shane stopped doing it.

The days they spent at each other’s places lessened, they stopped going out that much, and even Shane stopped being regularly featured in Ryan’s social media feed.

“Why does it matter?” Ryan asked him when Shane pointed it out, trying to make him talk to him about whatever might have been upsetting him. “We said we would be careful about it, it’s nothing.”

“Ry—“

“Shane.” The man smiled at him but it looked almost forced, painful. “It’s okay. We’ve been busy with the season and the Post Mortems… Once we are on vacation, we’ll be all over each other again. You know that.”

“You sound almost annoyed about it.”

Ryan rolled his eyes with a smile, but it didn’t look adorable as it usually did. He looked uncomfortable, like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t. Shane swallowed, trying not to overthink anything that was happening between them in that moment.

“Don’t be whiny, big guy.” Ryan said. “I’ll post a picture of you later tonight.”

“It’s…” Shane swallowed. His nose burned. “It’s not about that…”

“Uh, then what is it?”

“Ryan,” Shane held him by the shoulders, frowning. “What is going on? You’ve been distant and just… silent. Why aren’t you talking to me?”

“I’m just…” His eyes were shining. Ryan looked desperate as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Shane caressed his arms up and down, trying to give him the courage to speak.

But, in the end, Ryan just chuckled.

“I’m just busy, baby.” He said, getting on his tiptoes to put a soft kiss on Shane’s lips.

It tasted of nothing. 

Shane tried to coax him into kissing deeper and longer, moving his lips against his as Ryan put his hands to his chest. Any other time, it would have been to caress and slowly slide his hands to the back of Shane’s neck, to put his fingers in his hair and tug at him to make him lean down more.

Today, his hands remained still on his chest, almost as if to keep Shane away from him.

When they broke apart, Ryan wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were on his own hands at Shane’s pecks, and he swallowed visibly.

Shane took his hands, trying to make him look up and talk to him and tell him what he was doing wrong, to help him understand.

Ryan blinked away tears, he smiled sadly and kissed Shane’s chin.

“I’m gonna take a shower.” He said, walking away from Shane without looking at him. “I really need to sleep!”

“Yeah…” Shane murmured.

He heard Ryan walk into the bathroom, putting on music loud enough to mean ‘don’t bother me’. Shane sighed, looking at the hallway where Ryan had gone, stepping in to go look for him, until the door closed and with it, the only light in the dark hallway was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head's up: next one is also on Shane's pov and the angst is even bigger. This is also a reminder that this WILL have a happy ending.


	6. (Just Like) Starting Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post Break Up Kiss - The kiss that catches both of you off guard, but says I miss you, I’m sorry and please love me again all at once without any words being spoken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [Kye](http://kaya4114.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188825140387/can-i-see-some-post-breakup-kiss) if you like it! Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/) who happens to still be the best.

**This Is How I know You**

**(Just Like) Starting Over**

Shane froze at the sight in front of him. He frowned, not sure of what to do next. Ryan was sitting on the ground outside his building, probably waiting for Shane to buzz him in.

The man hadn’t seen him just yet. Shane could easily turn around and lose himself in the city, maybe go hide in someone else’s apartment. Scott would probably let him stay the night without Shane actually having to tell him what was wrong. But his feet didn’t move in either direction.

What was Ryan doing in the cold, sitting on the ground like a lost child waiting for his parents to pick him up? Shane swallowed, finally deciding to face whatever was coming.

“Ryan.” He called. The man looked up at him immediately, standing up so fast he seemed to get dizzy.

Shane sighed, walking towards him as his ex-boyfriend tried to hold his stance, one hand lingering near his forehead. 

“Are you okay?” Shane said, taking him by the shoulders.

Ryan looked at him. His big eyes said nothing but the same story as two months ago and Shane was tired of hearing it, tired of being told he wasn’t enough. Ryan had one hundred and a million doubts he couldn’t solve with Shane at his side. He bit his bottom lip, letting go of Ryan before taking out his keys.

“Uh, I just— I wanted to talk to you.” Ryan answered while Shane looked at his keys to avoid making eye contact. “Shane, can— can we talk?”

“Sure.” He sighed. “Step into my office.” He signaled inside, opening the door to the lobby and the stairs.

They walked in silence towards the elevator, but Shane’s heart closed his throat. He couldn’t have Ryan upstairs. It would drive him crazy to have the couch where he was sure he was going to cry later today smelling of him. Slowly, he walked to the stairs, taking two then sitting.

“Uh,” Ryan frowned, but followed his lead and sat down. “Okay…”

Neither said anything for a while, just dwelled in the presence of the other.

For two months, Shane thought of many things he wanted to tell Ryan. He had wanted to say he was sorry, even when he knew fully well and had been told he had done nothing wrong; he wanted to beg to be taken back at one point, and later as the weeks passed, he wanted to say hurtful things and make Ryan feel as empty as he had felt when December came and he was alone in his apartment, packing to go see his parents with tears in his eyes.

It had been too hard to say something. And now, he was in need of words.

“I think… I think I owe you an explanation for my actions.” Ryan said after a long minute or two.

Shane looked at Ryan for a few seconds, then at his own feet. He wasn’t sure what the man was talking about, if he was talking about their break up two months ago or his happy social media life during their time apart. Hell, it was really a surprise to see him here, looking like  _ this _ .

He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, stopped eating well, and was in desperate need of a shower and a cup of hot cocoa. Los Angeles wasn’t as cold as Schamburg, but right now it felt like Iceland.

“What do you mean?” Shane murmured.

Ryan cleared his throat. Shane could feel his eyes on him. “I mean... “ He sighed. “When...when I asked you to take a break. I told you I needed space.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ve… I’ve had a lot of time to think and a lot of space. Like, way too much space…” He trailed off. Shane finally looked at him, trying to stay strong for whatever the hell Ryan had in mind now. “And I just…” 

The man looked away. Shane’s eyes followed his hands and he noticed Ryan was playing with a stray thread on the sleeve of his jacket. 

He blinked a couple of times.

“I was afraid.” Ryan said, looking up at Shane’s face. He nodded, unsure of what else to do or say. “Because you are the first man I’ve ever…” He swallowed. “Being with you took me out my most selfish comfort zone, which was saying I’m bisexual and only daring to date women so nobody would ever…say anything  _ bad _ to me.”

“Uh.” 

Shane looked away, clenching his jaw as he tried to calm his nerves before he could punch Ryan in the face. If he started an actual fight with the man, he didn’t stand a chance. But god-fucking-dammit, he wanted to.

“Please, don’t misunderstand this, I know I’m fucking up even more, It’s just…” He said quickly. Shane looked back at him again, his jaw still tense. Ryan looked away. Maybe his expression gave away just how angry he was feeling. “I know, I know— Internalized biphobia, all that jazz. I know.”

“To the point, Ryan.”

“I’m sorry.” He said, letting out what sounded like a sob. Shane sighed and looked away. “I’m so sorry, I know I was wrong… I should have told you what was actually happening, but I thought that if I tried to get back to the way I was a year ago, maybe the guilt would go away.”

“Guilt?” 

Ryan nodded.

“I felt like I was doing something I shouldn’t.” He said. “Like, everyone expects me to be one way, but every day together I was the complete opposite of that, and I was afraid I was disappointing someone.” His eyes filled with tears and Shane’s throat closed again. “But I was so happy. I liked who I was becoming and— all that. How much we laughed together and how it was becoming easier to be myself. But…” 

He swallowed again. His nose had turned red and a tear crossed his left cheek. Shane held his breath, restraining himself from drying it.

“The more open we became, the more people, like— on Instagram and Twitter, started to notice. I got terrified of what would come. A… Guy I studied with in high school sent me a DM one day, asking if you were my boyfriend and I froze. I couldn’t just answer yes, and it wasn’t— it wasn’t because of you, I swear—”

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” 

Shane moved, trying to stand before Ryan noticed. Ryan immediately took his arm. Shane thought of pushing it away but didn’t. 

“Shane!”

Shane just kept looking at the ground, waiting for Ryan to finish whatever speech he had planned for today. His heart actually hurt. Not just in the squeezing kind of way either. No, it actually hurt every time it hit his ribcage and Ryan just kept talking. And maybe he shouldn’t be listening to this with an empty stomach because it felt like it was eating itself and it  _ burned _ .

“Shane, I mean it— It’s not you, it really isn't it,” Ryan insisted, “It’s different for you. You already went through this when you were younger. But I hid it away for so long… and I thought I could just bury it and be happy. I should have taken care of it before but I didn’t. And I hurt you because of that.”

Slowly, he looked back. Shane wondered how many nights Ryan had spent awake thinking of all this, rehearsing his words and trying to figure out the right thing to say. He looked sincere, crying as he was. Hell, he looked scared. 

It was Shane’s turn to swallow. He closed his eyes, trying to get his own lonely nights out of his head as he searched for the best way to put his hurt on display.

Ryan was right: he had hurt him. If he had known all this, maybe they wouldn’t have broken up. Maybe he could have helped Ryan find a better way to deal with all the baggage. It was shitty, to be so scared to be yourself and he understood it well.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand, Ryan.” Shane hoped his anger would go the hell away now that he was thinking straight. “Why didn’t you say anything that day? You just said you needed space and to me, it sounded like you wanted an out from me.” He swallowed. “I could have helped you. We could have figured it out together, why—?”

“I don’t know. I don’t. I just— I wasn’t even sure of what I was feeling back then, Shane.” He confessed, letting go of Shane’s arm and drying his tears. “Look, I… I know this sounds like a shitty excuse—”

“Okay.” Shane said. His jaw tensed again as he licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Thank you for telling me this, I guess.” He looked at Ryan. The man blinked a couple of times. “Why are you here?”

Ryan’s mouth opened. He wanted to say something but he couldn’t find the words. He looked down for a few seconds, then swallowed. Holy shit, were they a mess. They’d never been like this before, not even during the first awkward weeks of their friendship when they were getting to know the other.

It was like the way Shane and Ryan used to anticipate what the other was thinking never happened, as if Shane had dreamed it all along and this was all it really was: silence and cold between them. Ryan’s eyes showed so much despair it was unnerving.

“I wanted to see you.” Ryan said finally. 

Shane sighed.

“Just that?”

When the man looked at him, Shane tried his best to smile. It probably looked crooked. He was trying his damn best not to burst into tears on Ryan’s shoulder. So instead of crying, Shane got closer until their arms were touching. He saw Ryan’s eyes open wider, lips parting, but this time he just pressed against his face.

His eyes were closed now. Shane took a few seconds to admire the view and finally gave up, closing his eyes and sinking into the kiss he had prayed for two months.

It was such a strange kiss, somehow unreal.

Shane had dreamed of kissing Ryan so many times during the months they had spent away from each other. And every time it had been empty and had left him crying. This kiss was warm, but Ryan’s lips were dry and chapped. He probably hadn’t been applying chapstick like Shane had told him to a million times before. 

One of them shivered, or maybe they both did. Shane opened his mouth and moved his head to the left, deepening the kiss without using his tongue. His ex-boyfriend didn’t try anything either. They kept moving their lips as slow as any first timer would and it told Shane everything he needed to know about this situation: space was no longer necessary and maybe things could change for the good. 

The kiss tasted of hope and long nights thinking of each other, the yearning of each other’s arms, of kisses so intense yet sweet that give another meaning to the act itself.

Shane had missed Ryan and it felt good to know he had been missed as well.

They needed air eventually, and maybe another talk. Shane leaned his forehead on Ryan’s, listening to his heavy breathing and letting his fingers slowly caress the hair on the back of his neck. He couldn’t open his eyes, see what was lost and then pretend like if he could keep going. This kiss hadn’t felt like goodbye, but it wasn’t something he wanted to say again so soon.

“Take me back.” Ryan murmured against his lips. Shane opened his eyes without actually looking at his face. Instead, he was looking at his lap and the stray thread on Ryan’s sleeve. “Please? I know I’m a mess, but I think I’m doing better at last.”

“Just like that?”

“No.” He swallowed. Shane pulled back to look at Ryan’s face. “I know it didn’t look that way, but these past few months I was miserable… thought there was no way I could come back. Then I stopped acting like an idiot, started all over again.” He smiled. It was tiny but it made him look more like the man Shane had actually fallen for. “And there’s something more.”

“What is it?”

“I love you.” He said, sighing before allowing his smile to brighten. Shane stopped breathing, recognizing it was the first time Ryan ever said the words to him. “I… every day, I fall deeper for you. And I think you may feel the same. I want to be with you, Shane.”

Shane licked his lips again, looking up at Ryan. 

“You wanna come up? I think we should talk about this further.”

“Uh.” Ryan nodded. “Okay, yes.”

Finally, Shane smiled back. It was the first time in a long time he did so too. His cheeks almost hurt and his eyes were filled with tears he didn’t think he had anymore. But he didn’t cry again. He just leaned on Ryan and kissed him.

This time it wasn’t a surprise, not something that wasn’t supposed to be happening. It was a start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one we are back at Ryan's POV, and things get better.


	7. Oblivious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbreakable Kiss - The type of kiss that really shouldn’t be happening, it’s a mistake, but you just can’t find yourself able to pull away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the late update, I had a couple of very bad weeks that seem to not end. Again, the fic is finished but I failed on giving the chapters to a beta before and things just kept happening. Hopefuly, I'll be able to update in time now.
> 
> Requested by two Anonymous people on tumblr. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188825140387/can-i-see-some-post-breakup-kiss) if you like it! Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/) who happens to be the best as always.

**This Is How I Know You**

**Oblivious**

_ This is highly inappropriate _ . That’s what Shane would have told him if he could speak in that moment, Ryan was sure of that.

He smiled to himself, letting out a moan as he moved his head to one side and let Shane’s tongue in his mouth. The man responded by making a soft noise between their kiss, hands grabbing at Ryan’s shoulders to keep him in place as they kept kissing in spite of the noise outside the room.

This was the stuff of highschoolers: kissing in a closet while everyone else outside guessed what could be happening. But after months of being Shane-deprived, he couldn’t care less that he was kissing his ex-boyfriend in his parents’ closet while playing Truth or Dare with his little cousins and nephews. 

All he cared about was losing his fingers in Shane’s hair and the way Shane’s own hands were slowly getting to explore other parts of Ryan’s body until they came to a stop with one on his cheek and the other on his neck. 

They took a deep breath, eyes still closed, and this time, Shane kissed him.

* * *

Ryan wasn’t sure how he got Shane to come, but he sure as fuck was happy to see his mother’s knowing smirk as she let them into the house.

Most of his family was present that day, which meant his little cousins and nephews would be following Shane around for piggyback rides and, even worse, it meant that he was going to be living in fear of a long conversation with his mother and aunts.

But good news was… Shane had said yes. They weren’t officially back together just yet, but they were going somewhere now. Perhaps this time, they would make it right.

* * *

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Shane said between their kisses. Ryan nodded but went to kiss him again. The man responded in kind until his laugh made them part to look at each other in the dim light of the closet. “We are in your parents’ room. This is awful!”

“Highly inappropriate, yeah.”

Shane chuckled, making Ryan laugh before his lips pecked Shane’s a couple of times. 

Their foreheads met softly, allowing them to breathe each other in. Slowly, Ryan opened his eyes to find Shane frowning. He couldn’t really tell what was wrong but he knew the man enough to understand the feeling Shane was having.

“Shane, I--”

“No, shh…” He sighed. “Just let me...let me enjoy this a little bit longer.”

Ryan bit his bottom lip, almost hating the way Shane said that. As if this was a one time thing. Didn’t it mean anything to him? Not just the kiss, but accompanying Ryan to--

“You think so loud, Bergara.” Shane chuckled. But before Ryan could say anything else, the door was open and the sun’s light burned in his eyes. “Holy shit!”

“What are you two doing?” Aunt Edna asked, one hand on her hip. “Out! You are not teenagers! Out, out!”

Ryan licked his lips, hands falling at his sides as he followed Shane outside the closet. The kids were laughing with him, clinging to his legs as they asked what had happened. Shane assured them that it was nothing. Nothing had happened.

Ryan wanted to ask if that really was the case.

He wondered --and not for the first time-- if this was just Shane’s way of punishing him for what he did to them and that Shane did blame him after all for the way things had turned out in December. Yes, Ryan had a problem and he had decided to deal with stupid ass deicisions. But Shane hadn’t even hesitated to just leave his house when it happened, didn’t do anything to ask what was wrong.

Shane looked at him as if he could hear his thoughts, blinking a couple of times as they looked at each other’s eyes. Ryan smiled. Shane returned the smile and looked back at Luke, his nephew that was excited to drag Shane into the backyard and make him run.

“Ryan!” Shane called, extending his hand to him.

Blinking, Ryan watched his hand and, after a few seconds, took it, letting the man guide him wherever the kids wanted to go now.

* * *

After that conversation on Shane’s stairs, they had agreed to give each other time to heal. 

They had slowly started hanging out together again and staying in each other’s houses, but they hadn’t been intimate beyond the simple domesticity that had always existed between them. The secrecy of their light touches and smiles remained, eyes glancing at each other in ways they knew so well by now.

Ryan wished he had kissed Shane in his apartment after they talked, or even when they went to the cinema. Maybe they could in the office, when they were alone on set, talking about the holidays and how they had felt being away from each other. Maybe a kiss or two more in the closet would do.

Now it was just the ghost of Shane’s lips haunting him as he listened to his dad complain about the weather and how his calf hurt after playing football with the kids. Jake rolled his eyes, reminding him of his age. The little banter made Ryan laugh, and Shane was laughing too, on the other side of the garden table, with Luke asleep in his arms.

“I’m taking you with us, Shane.” Laura announced, making his cousin Norman laugh. “I’ve never seen him chill as quickly as this. Usually, Luke is awake until the last ounce of sugar in his body is burnt.”

“We did a lot of running today!” Shane reminded her, face still looking red after the wildest Hide and Seek game in history. “I think I’m going to sleep until Monday, to be honest.”

Ryan smiled, seeing him blend in with his family as if he had always belonged. He couldn’t give up, not now.

* * *

Growing up, Ryan learned that anything that began with ‘we need to talk’ never had a happy ending, so he watched Shane’s expression carefully as he uttered the words. Shane, as always, showed no expression beyond understanding as he nodded. 

Ryan swallowed, the hardest part of this conversation was to start it and actually say what he wanted to.

“Look, I know we--”

Shane’s lips were on him the moment he looked up, then away when he was just about to kiss back. Ryan blinked a couple of times, seeing as Shane sighed with pink cheeks.

“I had fun today.” He said. Ryan blinked again. “I… haven’t in a while, and I really felt good today. Like… Complete or something.”

“Yeah?” Ryan murmured.

“Uhm...” The man smiled at him. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“You know you are always welcome at my folks’.”

Shane was taking his hand now, once again guiding him, this time into the building and his apartment. He was smiling but there was a big difference between his smile now and the one he wore when they first spoke at the beginning of February. Ryan swallowed again, blinking away tears.

“You were saying?”

“Uh,” Ryan held his hand, interlocking their fingers together. “I was thinking…I mean, have you thought about getting back together?”

Shane looked at him with a frown. Ryan’s heart stopped at the sight. 

“Aren’t we together right now?”

He blinked again. “What?”

“Ryan.” Shane’s eyes opened wider, he looked at him as if explaining something to a small child. “I just went to your parents’, to a family reunion. We made out in your parents’ closet like teens!”

“When did we get back together?!”

“This morning? When I said yes?” 

Ryan’s free hand went to his mouth, unable to take his eyes away from Shane’s surprised expression before they both started to laugh, loud and happy. Ryan found himself leaning on Shane’s chest as he kept laughing in the lobby of Shane’s apartment building, his boyfriend's hand on his head.

“I love you,” he heard Shane say against his hair.

Ryan sighed, looking up with a smile, knowing all too well what he was going to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All next until chapters 10 and 11 will on Ryan's POV, next kiss will be posted in four days.


	8. Mi Amor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Early Morning Kiss - A kiss that’s a wake up call, its barely even lips touching, more like they're kissing your chin because they’re so tired in the early morning haze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested on tumblr by [itsmeyaboy](http://itsmeyaboy.tumblr.com/) and an Anonymous person. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/188825140387/can-i-see-some-post-breakup-kiss) if you like it! Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/) who is still the very best and I love her.

**This Is How I Know You**

**Mi Amor**

“God, I love him…” Ryan chuckled at the sight of Shane entering the office, looking like dead would be kinder.

The problem was, Shane wasn’t a full person in the early morning. Everyone knew that. Or at least, Ryan hoped people knew, because all he could do when the man appeared in the office with his bed hair and sleepy expression was smile like the smitten idiot he was.

Shane needed at least an hour after waking up to be considered human, which was why Ryan couldn’t blame him for what happened that morning when everyone found out.

“Big guy, good morning!” he greeted, cheerful and happy as he had been feeling ever since they got together. 

The man didn’t answer, didn’t even grunted. He just looked at Ryan and blinked a couple of times, holding his laptop in one hand, his travel cup in the other with his bag hanging on his shoulder, messy as hell like if he had overslept.

Looking at his computer, Ryan realized he hadn’t. He must had gone to sleep late.

“Hey,” Shane said. Ryan looked back and his eyes opened wide when the man leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

In his head, the entire office stopped working and talking, all eyes on them as Shane kissed him good morning without remembering no one knew they were an actual thing. Ryan thought of the many ways people would react, so lost in his thoughts and surprise, he didn’t realize how short the kiss actually was.

Shane was smiling when Ryan looked up at him.

“Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Good… good morning…”

The man sat down, sighing as he left his things in their place, taking out his phone as he started his computer. Ryan blinked a couple of times, looking around to confirm if someone—people were staring. At his side, Mark had his mouth actually hanging open, looking at them with disbelief.

He could hear a giggle afar, probably Maya or maybe Kelsey, most likely both. Ryan swallowed and looked back at his boyfriend.

“Shane?”

“Mmm?”

What was he going to tell him? You blew it, everyone knows? They would eventually. 

Ryan smiled at him and leaned forward, kissing him again, this time longer and firmer. Shane made a small happy sound, responding his kiss with enthusiasm. The big guy was smiling like an idiot when they went apart, Ryan laughed and shook his head, going back to the e-mail he was reading before the man walked in.

“Good morning, mi amor.”

“I’m Mi Amor.” Shane repeated, accent worse than Ryan’s, but he had a bright smile Ryan matched immediately before Curly’s gasp of betrayal for not being informed of this development in their relationship woke Shane up for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling like shit today and decided to post because it's fluffy, next chapter will be up in 3 to 4 days, and it's even more happy that this one.


	9. The Luckiest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In The Moment Kiss - Maybe it’s in the middle of an argument or you just looked to damn beautiful not to kiss, but their lips were hot against yours and it felt too good to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [Naluh](http://beaniegara.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/) who is THE BEST. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/189434617232/mmm-can-i-ask-for-a-in-the-moment-kiss-with) on tumblr if you like it!

**This Is How I Know You**

**The Luckiest**

“You guys are a rom-com.” Sara commented as they all sat in Shane and Ryan’s living room during their housewarming party. 

Jen chuckled at the accusation. Ryan looked at her in anticipation of her response. “Holy shit, they are a fanfiction trope.”

“They are!” Kristin said excitedly. “Oooh, we should make a video with them!”

“Oh! No, no, no! They are mine! I already asked them to let me produce that video!” Curly announced, making everyone in the living room groan. “And we are making it so gay, so, so gay. ¿Verdad, Ryan?”

“Yup.” He answered, cheeks probably red.

But who gave a fuck about red cheeks when their coffee table was filled with empty plates asking for more of Shane’s handmade strawberry pie. Shane was serving it with Andrew’s help, sitting on the carpet as he put fresh slices on the awaiting plates. He laughed each time Steven took a strawberry from everyone’s plates.

“It’s gonna be the gayest.” Ryan sighed, watching as Shane drew a hand through his hair. “So gay…”

Shane got on his knees, suddenly concentrated again on cutting the pie into pieces for those who had asked for more. Ryan saw him smile at Kelsey, laughing with Andrew at his side as the man kept helping him with dessert while praising how fucking delicious the pie had turned out despite it being his very first attempt.

Crap.

“Oh, Ryan,” he heard Curly say. Ryan looked at him for a moment. “You are so far gone.”

“So in love!” Daysha chuckled. “I’ll need you back in the podcast, you know. People will want to hear this update.”

Ryan chuckled, nodding as his friends mocked him for being so damn distracted by the image of his boyfriend surrounded by their co-workers and friends with pink cheeks and shining eyes. He was so incredibly happy that it seemed impossible to tell they had been separated before.

It had been months since that. Their anniversary had passed just a week ago and now they were living together. 

And  _ shit _ , Ryan bit the inside of his cheek.

He was going to marry this man.

“Shane?” Ryan called. Shane looked up as he let his back hit Ryan’s legs. 

Without thinking, Ryan leaned down and kissed Shane softly as everyone around them either cheered or groaned. 

They had never really participated in public displays of affection before, and Ryan wondered if the giddiness he was feeling as he felt Shane’s warm tongue gently touching his had something to do with the sudden change. The feeling spread to every corner of his being. It was new and welcomed, and Ryan couldn’t stop smiling down at Shane as they parted ways slowly.

“Uh…” Shane turned, still sitting on the floor. Ryan smiled at him after seeing his dumb expression, cheeks pink and just a slightly nervous smile on his face. “What...what was that for?”

“Mmm.”  _ I’m gonna marry you _ , he wanted to say. Instead, he just smiled. “Nothing…”

* * *

“I can’t wait for Curly’s rom-com video for us.” Shane said as they prepared to sleep. “He is gonna make us look like a dream couple!”

“You are such a weirdo…” Ryan smiled. Shane’s smile was wider though. “Amor, close the bathroom door.”

“Uh, yeah.” 

Ryan sighed, getting into bed as Shane closed the door and turned off the lights, leaving the room illuminated only by his bedside table’s lamp. He watched the man get out of his slippers, and get into bed with him before he kissed his cheek, making him smile.

“I’ve been thinking about this year’s holidays.” Shane said, Ryan looked at him and moved his head to one side. “Uh, I know it’s a little soon but I was wondering…”

“What is it?”

“You think your parents and brother would like to come to Schaumburg to spend Christmas with us and my family?”

“Oh, that’s a huge family right there.” Ryan said. Shane laughed at his side but sank into the mattress. Ryan leaned on his chest, looking at his face as he spoke. “I can ask. But what about your parents?”

“Mom’s excited with the idea, and dad always does everything she says, so…”

Ryan chuckled. “Mr. Madej setting the example, huh?”

“Oh, yeah.” Shane put an arm on Ryan’s waist, holding him against his body as they laid together in bed. “I mean, don’t I always do everything my baby says?”

“Not always!” Ryan reminded him. Shane arched an eyebrow. “But in the important things, you  _ do  _ listen to me.”

“I always listen to you, kochaine.” Shane said, caressing Ryan’s cheek with his fingers. “My gorgeous angel.”

Ryan closes his eyes, smiling wide before opening them again and pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “Mi más amado.”

“I like how that sounds….” Shane murmured, turning off his lamp.

They moved together on the bed, getting in position to sleep. Shane tangled his legs with his, spooning Ryan as the man let him interlock their fingers, hands on Ryan’s chest, over his heart.

_ Definitely _ . He was definitely going to marry the big guy.

* * *

Because, even when he talked nonstop, Shane was too beautiful and too wonderful. 

Ryan couldn’t help but smile, watching as Shane waved his hands excitedly while he explained to his mother about the dance plague in France. Linda seemed interested, her expression changing with each detail Shane revealed and wow, there was his future husband, father of his future children and dogs, peaking his mother’s interest in historic mysteries.

“You got a good one there.” His dad told him as he passed by, headed to the living room where his brother and uncle were watching the game.

“I know.” Ryan answered, eyes still on Shane as he talked with his mother. “I’m gonna marry him.”

His father chuckled behind him, patting his shoulder gently as if approving and encouraging him to hurry up. Ryan smiled at his dad, letting him go back to his game. He sighed, walking slowly towards his boyfriend and his mother, hoping he wouldn’t interrupt too much, but he just needed--

“I’ve told Ry, we should make a video about it some time.”

“But it has to be perfect.” Ryan added, his mother looked at him with a big, beautiful smile. “Right? If we can one day convince management again. Preferably if we get to travel to France.”

“Yes, please.” Shane said, putting a hand on Ryan’s lower back. 

“Linda?” They heard. Ryan’s uncle was standing in the kitchen’s entrance. “Phone for you.”

“Oh,” She looked at them, smiling at Shane. “I’ll be back, darling. I wanna know more about that!”

“Sure!” Shane smiled, cheeks pink. 

Ryan chuckled, calling for Shane’s attention. When the man looked down, Ryan pulled him towards his face by the neck, his hand caressing the hair at his nape as he kissed him without a care.

He felt Shane’s hands on his waist. The small and needy sound he let out as he went to respond to his kiss only made Ryan want to hurry up and get home so they could have a moment in private where they could share more of this.

But right now, he needed this. And the way Shane smiled down at him when they opened their eyes and looked at each other told him Shane needed it too. 

Ryan was on his tiptoes, but he felt like he was floating.

“What was  _ that  _ for?”

“I love you.”

Shane laughed, cheeks now red. Beautiful. “Uh, I love you too.”

“I’m gonna marry you.”

“Well, that’s interesting.” Shane laughed. “You are gonna make me tie the knot?”

“Absolutely, sir.”

“Make me wear a pretty ring so everyone knows I’m yours forever?”

“God.” Ryan closed his eyes, sighing deeply as he held Shane closer. The man laughed, the vibrations of his voice making Ryan open his eyes and smile. “Yes.”

“Alright.” Shane winked at him. “But you better be mine, too.”

“Fuck,” Ryan sighed like a school boy in love, his cheeks feeling warm. “I’ve been for years.”

“Uhm!” Shane leaned down, their noses touching gently. “I’m the luckiest, then.”

Ryan was certain he was. Their lips met again.


	10. Quickie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quick, Goodbye Kiss - It’s the almost late for work kisses when their lips just peck yours, like an unfinished goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Requested by [shyanpositivity](http://shyanpositivity.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Edited by [Alicia](http://chaostheoryy.tumblr.com/), who I adore and love. Please reblog the [original post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/189498006112/9-or-10-with-shyan-3) on tumblr if you like it!

**This Is How I Know You**

**Quickie**

His fiancé was in the kitchen the morning Shane woke up in his childhood bedroom. He was disoriented for a few seconds but, as the rays of sun hit his face, he slowly remembered why he was home in the first place and an idea rang happily in his head: 

Shane needed to find Ryan.

“Good morning.” Ryan smiled at him, sipping coffee from a mug with Shane’s name on it. 

Shane smiled, remembering he had bought the mug with his first paycheck at age twelve. He had babysat for his neighbors and received his first real income ever. Back then, he had saved half and used the other half to buy the mug. Many years later, his fiancé was drinking his mother’s coffee from it, gazing at him with  _ that  _ look in his eyes.

“Did you sleep well?”

Ryan chuckled, his cheeks going red. “Shut up, Shane.”

“Aww, baby.” He said, crossing the kitchen to stand at his side, backs against the counter. “Don’t be shy, I thought you were fantastic last night!”

“Oh my God!”

They laughed together and soaked in the sunshine and the smell of coffee, the cold that could only come from his Schaumburg home, alive and green, fresh in the morning, ready for them and their big day. Was it ridiculous to think life had decided to grant them a good weather day because of their wedding? Probably, but Shane couldn't care less, especially when Ryan looked this beautiful in his old Bienvenidos a Tokyo t-shirt and his pajamas’ bottoms.

“What are you two doing here?” 

Both looked at the entrance to find Scott and Ryan’s mom walking in. 

“You should already be in the shower, Shane!” Scott reminded him, walking towards the pot of coffee. “And Ryan, you’ve been awake for like half an hour, why are you still here?”

“Uh, just taking some coffee.”

“Time is going to run out on you if you keep losing yourself in your thoughts, baby.” Linda told him. Shane smiled at that, knowing all too well how Ryan would get lost in his own head as he drank his coffee for hours. “So get moving, boys! We got family breakfast in forty minutes and a wedding this afternoon. Moving!”

“Yes, ma’am.” Shane answered, smiling at Ryan’s mother before looking at him. “Kochaine?”

“Mmm.” Ryan sighed, looking calm and happy. He’d probably find out later that day he would stress to the point of yelling, but right now, Shane drank in the sight of his gorgeous groom. “See you in forty?”

So, he kissed him. Something small and soft, barely a real kiss. Just a sweet peck to his lips to say goodbye and good morning, to let him know how loved he was and how much he could hardly wait for this day to unfold before them.

Ryan smiled at him when they parted, walking backwards towards the entrance until Shane winked and made him laugh. Closing his eyes, he turned to walk to the stairs and up to the second floor to get ready for their day.

“So cute,” he heard Linda say. Scott giggled like a child.

His cheeks were warm when he looked at them and he gladly accepted the mug of coffee Scott passed to him.

Today was going to be a great day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are finishing this. The next chapter is very, very short so I may post it tomorrow. I'm sorry I haven't answered comments yet, It's just been strange weeks; but thank you SO much for all your support, I appreciate it a lot and I'm glad you guys have liked each kiss.


	11. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! This was a way to close this story, so no request. Edited by [Maya](http://symmetricat.tumblr.com/), who is amazing. Please reblog the [post](https://yaboybergara.tumblr.com/post/189597178562/this-is-how-i-know-you-by-poetdameron-ryan-and) on tumblr if you liked this fic!
> 
> Look at the end notes for a few words.

**This Is How I Know You**

**Kiss Me**

Shane remembered the first time Ryan kissed him.

He knew that the other man thought of that Sunday afternoon, when they improvised a movie night after Ryan had the huge revelation that he liked him that way. But Shane thought of years before, of Mexico City and the smell of beer and the laughs of the crew as they had dinner before leaving for Kansas.

Ryan had been tipsy, maybe drunker than he thought since Shane could confirm now that the man didn’t remember a second of their moment, looking at the city through their window in that first hotel room they shared.

It was funny to think of it, that clumsy and desperate kiss that lasted no time at all, that left Shane with wide open eyes and Ryan saying something about it being wrong, not because he was kissing Shane, but because his breath was hideous at the time and Shane deserved to be kissed nicely.

It had made him smile, but he purposely said nothing once he noticed that Ryan didn’t recall any of it the next morning. In a way, he had thought it a dream, something his mind had made up because he had liked Ryan for the longest time, and having the man make that first move, well… It would take such a heavy weight from his shoulders.

Still, time went on, and finally-- they were _there_.

* * *

“So, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t remember this… or he does, and he is embarrassed about it, which I don’t blame him for, because his breath really was, in fact, hideous!” He said, the room exploded into laughter once again as Shane looked at Ryan sitting on their table with their family around him.

The look in his eyes told him he knew, probably as of just now, probably a flash of memory that had crossed his mind as Shane told the story. He saw it in the way Ryan looked so out of the loop when he started, slowly covering his mouth with his hand, until his face was red and he was laughing with the rest of their friends and family in this room.

“Lucky for me, he does clean his teeth daily; he has amazing teeth. Has anyone noticed? I wouldn't expect any less from the son of a not-murderous dentist that has definitely not cut a head or two.”

Another round of laughs was heard in the room, Shane smiled as he looked around. At all their friends, from childhood to adulthood, their co-workers that were now family, their closer and their more distant family, everyone reunited that day in Shane’s hometown on this dreamy day as they had gotten married.

Ryan was his husband, he was a Madej now and Shane was a Bergara. He couldn’t wait to write his own name as Bergara-Madej as soon as possible.

He sighed deeply, smiling as he looked at Ryan, and lifted his drink, everyone doing the same after him. Ryan was smiling at him as if Shane had done something amazing instead of telling everyone about their embarrassing, short, sloppy and drunken first kiss. Shane chuckled at the sight.

“To all those kisses that built our relationship,” he said, winking at Ryan. “Thanks for always kissing me like you wanted to be loved, angel.”

A round of applause came, making Shane blush as he sipped his drink and got out of the scenario, unsure of how else to react but excited to get to Ryan, who immediately pulled him down for a kiss by his lapel, making their parents and brothers giggle as it happened.

Kissing Ryan always felt different. It was familiar and welcome, but always new in a sense Shane couldn’t describe. Words weren’t enough in any language to explain the tingle and pulls he felt every time their lips met, even during their worst moments, but more so during their most domestic, stupidly happy moments.

So he kissed his husband back, one hand on his waist and the other on his cheek, holding him close as if they could keep warm in the cold of Schaumburg and the hall they rented for tonight. And even when Shane’s eyes were closed, his forehead pressed against Ryan’s, he could tell Ryan was smiling. 

He could see it, the way he always smiled after kissing, and there it was when his eyes opened.

“Why did you never tell me about that?”

“Oh, baby, it was an awful kiss…”

“You--” Ryan chuckled, holding Shane’s hand as he made them walk away from their table to get a little privacy from the reception. “Ass, we could’ve gotten together sooo much earlier!”

“Uhm,” Shane caressed his left cheek with his free hand, smiling down at Ryan and shaking his head. “I love our story. We needed it to be that way.”

“I…” Ryan seemed to think about it, smoothing an invisible wrinkle on Shane’s suit before he looked up, eyes sparkling with endearment. “We have a good story, don’t we?”

“The best!” He said, leaning down on Ryan’s space again, caressing Ryan’s nose with his own. “We get to kiss as we want, baby, that’s what matters.”

Ryan bit his bottom lip, and his smile so wide, Shane felt it as they kissed once more.

He could die a happy man like this, Shane decided. As long as he had the privilege of kissing this man, his husband, he’ll die a happy man one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone who read this fic, who made it through all of it until this last chapter. Your support and love has been very helpful and welcomed, I'm really happy I was able to write all these prompts and build a small story, and I really hope you guys liked the journey as well. Thank you for everything!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you on [my tumblr](http://wetookanoath.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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